Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
i just won an entire level on word mole with the word 'clitoris'
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
She literally called herself a shamefully bad decision. Of course I slept with her. Best bad decision ever
Hey wes just called me saying he was asleep outside by the pond at my apt complex
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
I probably won't go. Last time I got drunk with those guys I just started demanding people let me touch their beards.Then I mocked everyone who didn't have facial hair.
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
She was giving me head, and a cop pulled up next to us. I freaked when he looked over at me, but so did he and rear ended the car in front of him.
Randomize
