He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
You suck. You're fired. I need to find a less reasonable voice-of-reason.
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
just mapquested my walk of shame from saturday..bye bye freshman 15
I threw up in the bar parking lot and yelled THIS IS MY FUTURE.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
you never un-have a 4some
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
How was your night?
Good. I made people cry and run home
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