I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
Having a midget officiate your wedding because you think it'd be hilarious: good idea or potential lawsuit?
Looked for my lighter in the console and found more tampons. Seriously. You're like a squirrel prepping for a hard winter. A menstruating squirrel.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
It’s easy for me to be professional, the tough part is finding the perfect amount of bitchy undertone
Randomize
