Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Someone shattered a urinal.
you do realize that we pretended we were worms for like 10 minutes and inched around on the ground, don't you?
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
I never want to even look at fireball again because it reminds me of the night I died and then lived to tell the tale of how I died.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
Freshly fucked must agree with my hair cause I've gotten compliments on it this afternoon
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
