I'm okay, they said the swelling should go down in a week. But next time I'm shitwrecked, please make sure to remind me that I can't open a champagne bottle with corkscrew.
You even been so high breaking up weed with your fingers feels like surgery?
I wish you got a notification every time someone masturbated to a Facebook picture of you...
Can you come over to my place and make up for the crap you called sex yesterday?
Good morning to you
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Watching him is like watching a star slowly implode
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
These kids are nice. Shrooms make everything so nice.
No one should ever be so high that they forget the food. That's just...its a violation of God and Nature, of the very laws that we live by!
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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