sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
he went at my nipples like a starved dog.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
I got so drunk at the hockey game I bought everyone behind me in concession line a funnel cake.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
... drunk me broke the coffee table?
STOP TALKING ABOUT YOURSELF IN THE THIRD PERSON. YOU DID THE THING.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Yelled "don't taze me bro" as the police officer tazed me. Cross it off the list.
Randomize
