it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
Idk if I woke up next to a cat or raccoon. either way it's purring.
This is Jewish guilt versus Irish Catholic guilt. We should tread carefully, or we could fuck up the space-time continuum or something.
I'm okay with that.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Is it acceptable to have my intern get me pedialite and plan b?
It's a learning experience. She can add to her resume that she cured her bosses hangover and poor decisions
That's probably why white girls drink so much espresso. Piledriving coke and vodka crans takes a fucking toll man
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
I've had more sex since the twins moved in than I'd had in the previous four years. They are the best wingman ever.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
