if you dont talk to me in person you cant text me
I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
I doubt were getting our security deposit back... the toilet just fell off the wall
i love that youre following in my footsteps.. pissing yourself on your birthday is an honor and a privlege
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
Was he good-huge or like "what the fuck do i do with this"-huge
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
