Dude, I just rear-ended a cab
Are you drunk?
A little...yes
Run!
Terrible brother advice.
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
You spent about half an hour trying to convince me that mesh condoms were a good idea.
Nobody has ever asked me for my honest opinion on whether they needed anal bleaching before
Guy, there will be accountabilities this weekend that you will need to respond to, or else.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
Just went over my top ten highlight reel with that guy I'm fucking. It was like we were sports announcers. But about sex.
I was just randomly reminded of the night you were wrapped up in a bed sheet carrying a full bottle of cookie dough vodka and warning neighbors of the weirdos running around
We've been staking out a taco bell for 2 hours trying to find last night's one night stand
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
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