yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
He seemed like a really nice guy. He tried to dry my shirt because someone spilled their drink on me. I think that's how I ended up topless on his dryer.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
did you know the cops in wilco have clean up kits in their cars for when people puke in them? i found this out this morning. i'm finishing paperwork now. come get me plz?
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
wait he has a twin??? which one did you fuck
yes
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
