is it bad that i shorted Freddie Mac immediatly after I heard about the CFO?
It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
I just found out my boyfriend is cheating on me, please tell me Carl is a unisex name.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I can't. I'm going camping this weekend. I do have a life outside of your dick.
Randomize
