i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
She came over with Guinness cupcakes, a case of Mickeys, wearing an Ireland flag & nothing else.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize