I want to touch your soul through your body...with my penis...
Mike i'm at church right now...
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
Just bought a breathalyzer and Sharpies, guess who thought of a new drinking game
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Seeking encouragement from my tinder matches to ace this test. I've sunk to a newest low.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
we had sex in his office so i figured it was appropriate to like his company's page on facebook
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Randomize