how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
I may or may not have melted a dent into the top of my minifridge with my hot glue gun, which I left on for the past couple hours unsupervised, while we were on our salvo/savers excursion. Welcome to Halloween in college.
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
hey just checking if u still hate me for sleeping with your sister?
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
I found our waiter on grindr, gave him my number, and got him to send a dick pic. Still not getting laid but close enough?
It would have been nice to break the dry spell with nice, civilized, sober sex somewhere other than on my friend's couch.
I got dropped off at my house at like 1030. Woke up hugging a street cat I've never seen before. Ended up drinking 260 oz of beer. 65 types. Then went out after blehhhhhh
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
