oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
I wonder how skeet ulrich feels about the skeet skeet phrase and and what it denotes.
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
You handed J your Mayan-pocalypse shopping list and told him he wasn't getting laid unless he brought everything on it. Where is he supposed to get a live goat?!
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
I texted him back and I am so nervous I may vomit up all of the soup I just ate.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
