I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
Why did you take off so early
No more beer. And also. Threesome. Maybe. Ill let you know.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Also not to brag but I got high last night and got us a host family in a chateau in the south of France
I drank too much tequila. I'm hyperventilating. Send help. I think I slipped through satan's asshole.
Do you want to go soon I'm overthinking life and my butthole again
I made out with 4 out of 4 girls I was out with last night, I'm pretty sure everyone knows I'm a lesbian by now
Plus we had to have sex before the game because there is a good chance we won’t be speaking for the rest of the week. #ironbowl
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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