i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
