I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Our kitchen sink faucet is leaking, so I set a pitcher under it to catch water for Kool-Aid tomorrow rather than turn on the faucet. The environment owes me.
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
You defs just slept for 6 hours in a porta pottie. You should probably just kill yourself.
You were carrying around a milk crate, randomly putting it down calling out 'praise be to the milk gods' and making people pray to it.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
Randomize
