sometimes when you bring the thunder you get lost in the storm
His mom just asked me if I was "fooling around with her baby again" and then when I walked downstairs his dad YELLED "Look who's taking the walk of shame!"
You really need to stop fucking dudes who still live with their parents.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
Couldn't get it up. She asked me what she was doing wrong. Didn't have the heart to tell her. I appreciated her willingness to adapt, but she's pretty much gonna look that bad her whole life.
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
Blow Jobs and the Patriots Playing I think I’m going to marry her
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