So I just walked in on one of our neighbors having sex...on our couch.
WHAT?!
He apologized for staining our couch, then asked if he could make me a drink. Pretty sure he was still inside her while we were talking.
so now she's a stripper
can't say i'm surprised
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
My dad is drinking wine out of a measuring cup. This explains so much.
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
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