i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
I found your bra. How you get it off the satellite dish is your problem.
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
I guess I made wings because there's chicken everywhere. Even on the walls. 3 of them. It's like a chicken grave yard.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
I feel so accomplished. I've cleaned my room, done laundry, called those places, gotten jobs, and masturbated.
I'm so proud of you.
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