I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
I don't really know how to say this, but I have an oven mitt to return to you tomorrow..
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
He stopped mid thrust ... To check snap chat .. From his roomie
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
We need to catch up immediately. I took ecstasy and made out with carrot face this weekend.
Randomize
