the smoke from my cigarette strangely resembles what patrick swayzes ghost will look like.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
The last thing I remember before blacking out was telling Jamie that she was too fat even for my standards. The first thing I remember after blacking out was waking up next to her.
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
google maps should a have a setting for this. like I AM ABANDONING EVERYTHING TO MEET A GIRL WHO IS 10 HOURS OF MILES AWAY. HOW DO WE DO THIS OPTIMALLY?
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize
