I'm waiting for seagulls to eat this throw up
Anything crazier than usual happen? I woke up in a stairway with my cock out.
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
let's see, i ended up walking for an hour towards a macdonalds that didnt exist, sprinted full tilt into a powerline, and left a 30 dollar tip to a waitress at dennys we made friends with. I REGRET NOTHING
I don't remember anything that happened last night past 10.. I made him buy me a Buckeye's Donut tshirt. I have no idea why he'd want to fuck me after that.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
Get off the floor, put away the cookie dough, get ur shit together Scott.
Listen this is important.. if I die tonight you have to be the drug dealer at my funeral
There are 6 of us in a mini cooper and his maid is in the trunk...she needed a ride.
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