there should be a rule- if you jizz on it, you wash it
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
I'm pretty sure that I'm earning a horrible reputation with your friends, but I'm having a fucking great time in the process.
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matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
YOU WERE HAVING SEX IN THE SAME BED I WAS SLEEPING IN. AND YOU GRABBED MY HAIR. OF COURSE I'M PISSED.
How do you respond to a booty call from yesterday?
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Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
I was too hungover to sit up and pull the curtains closed so I did it with my toes
i'm not sure you can trust me in a car with 20 dozen donuts
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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