I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
just used a paint mixing cup as a shot glass. thank u art school.
Just found a hundred dollar bill on the ground. Hope you're looking to drink tonight
You stole her bday cake and shared it with drunk strangers on the street.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
i don't remember but I assumed it was bad when I woke up with directions from his house to mine already pulled up on my phone
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
I COULD CUT A FUCKING DIAMOND WITH MY RIGHT NIPPLE RIGHT NOW HOLY FUCK
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
