no its okay don't call 911, she's alive. just stopped by her house and banged on her door. she said she turned her phone off because she "had to be alone with her shame and embarassment". typical.
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
I guess it was to be expected that I was put on somebody's list called penis socket.
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
The one that slept in my truck and you peed in his face?
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
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