the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I accidentally requested the ides of march off instead of st patricks day. Is this an omen? will alcohol be my brutus?
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
There are so many birds around me. And squirrels. I feel like that chick from Enchanted...but like if she had a dick and made poor life decisions.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
literally just blacked in. Im watching what to expect when your expecting, eating pretzels and peanut butter, and I have someone's underwear around my neck.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
Things are coming back to me in chunks. I vaguely remember signing a shirt that said 'I enjoy vagina'
I AM SO PROUD OF YOU
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
So I came to the conclusion that who ever pour my ever clear out saved my life
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
Randomize
