hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
Just bought an airhorn. Bad things will happen.
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
It's going to take a while to see a dick pic that I enjoy more than richs helicopter video
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
Can I even tell you how badly I want a day that is just on and off napping and sex with intermittent snack breaks? Because I want that day very badly.
I have never seen a more amazing text message in my entire life.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Randomize
