so I think he was half asleep, but he woke me up by saying "where's my cow? Is it being shipped?" He must have been dreaming about farmville..
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
i'm gonna fuck his crew, i'm gonna wax my asshole. i'm gonna make them all cry tears of sex joy then move to colorado.
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
Just text the random number in my iphone notes that was entered at 1am. Should be interesting.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
The end of the friendship was inevitable. I hooked up with her cousin and forgot to mention it to her
Randomize
