Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
you just used "cock block" and "youth group" in the same sentence. somethings wrong with you.
Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
you're the best thing to happen to me. closely followed by learning to ejaculate, and drugs.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
Dude between pissing everywhere and all of those frogs, that bathroom got wrecked.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
It was one of the greatest weekends of my life. And that's even after factoring in spraying myself in the face with the bidet.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
He's UNCIRCUMCISED. And it curves. Two things I've never encountered in all my sluttiness and they're both on the hottest guy alive. :(
Randomize
