I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
You should have totally come, I started watering down vodka with cider. I have lost the sense of taste.
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
If there is a ladylike way to throw up in your favorite toilet, I just did it.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Of course I'm using oj as a mixer, its flu season.
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Randomize
