i don't mind that he's uncut. i like it! it's like a little sweater!
a cock doensn't need a sweater! especially a skin sweater! wtf.
That's like some buffalo bill hannibal lector shit.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I didn't think moms care packages could get better than greygoose, weed & double stuffed oreos, but she just snet me a chocolate bar full of mushrooms.
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Yep. It's going to be us, strippers, and drag queens.
A glittery, gay, heavily makeuped, scantily dressed clusterfuck.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
My book, "How to Live With a Huge Penis" was delivered today. Can't wait to read it in public.
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
He fucked my brains out then fed me cheese and peanut butter. I might be in love.
I've got 3 hot dudes surrounding me. It's the Bermudick Triangle.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
Baby Shark came on during sex.
She has BABY SHARK on her sex playlist. Who does that?
Randomize
