Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
It doesn't count as drinking alone if you're making rum cake with it.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
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i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
Apparently as she was dragging me out of the club, I was clinching onto this european guy screaming at Jenna: that's the 12th time you've cockblocked me tonight
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
My stripper pole led lights flash with the sound so it's awsome with music
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She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Instead of.being an intelligent and mature adult and dealing with my feelings I chose to get hammered and fuck flounder
Eh it happens
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