You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
i'm eating jello out of a teacup with a fork. awesome?
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
hey, when you wake up, search yourself on youtube
my sister already found it, were watching it right now. i give it 2 thumbs up.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
WHAT DID YOU SAW VERBATIM. VERBATIM IS SOBER FOR WORD FOR WORD
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
Drake has all the answers
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Gotta love college... Pregamed for my 8:30 flight home this morning and gave the flight attendants all high fives when I got on the plane. Best ride of my life.
Randomize
