It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
just had a memory of me telling homeless mark that it was the year of the bunny and he said "you da bunny, girl"
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
We created a neighborhood watchdog drinking game
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Yo, how much weed can I get for a caf swipe?
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
My body looks like ricotta cheese had a vacation
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Get to the bar now. Ryan is single again and every skank on campus that has heard story about his dick is circling like a shark. A cock hungry shark
Randomize
