My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
just found the deal breaker
hairy back?
he can't live within 1000 ft of a school
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
i'm gonna crowd surf you onto his dick
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
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