M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
It's like God shit irony all over that family
he is so obsessed with the fact that he works at Apple
i know, its like he jerks off to steve jobs
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He just gave a drunken 7 minute speech on how to make the perfect grilled cheese. he explained types of butter and cheeses....i think i love him
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
saying that you may be able to suck the gay out of me was just my way of getting a blowjob...thank you for the valiant effort.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
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