I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
You can't have hate sex in a hallway!!
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I'm not sure what's more surprising, the fact that she said I reminded her of Danny Devito, or the fact that it got me laid.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
i did these weird ass ab exercises once that left me queefing for weeks
Randomize
