i may or may not be watching the land before time
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Also, that dude projectile vomiting all over the living room was the perfect distraction for me to swipe the booze and run.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
And really all I wanted was to be like "hey can I borrow your dick for a few hours this weekend?"
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Lets play a game called: how out of it are you today? Let me know if you can beat driving on the wrong side of the road twice and walking up two extra flights of stairs just because you weren't paying attention to what floor you are on....
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
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