is it a bad sign that i now think of my run-ins with cops as "skill building seminars"?
um, yeah. i think it is.
i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
Listen, I'm 30. If it doesnt involve a super soaker and some chicken wings, you can count me out.
You were so drunk that some guy dressed as Harry Potter pointed his wand at you and screamed "Accio SHITSHOW"
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
I can't believe you just became a stipulation in their divorce papers.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Nah, this is the University of Tennessee. She'll get the clap, and get busted for having pot in her dorm by spring break. This time next year she'll be part-timing at a community college as a nursing major. So predictable it hurts.
Drunk Sam makes promises that Sober Sam can't keep
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
