I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
grown man stumbling drunk down green street wearing nothing but a hot dog costume and crying. its not even noon yet.
I cannot tell if the couch is cold or I spilled beer. THAT kind of night.
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
i just woke with half a bagel saran wrapped to my phone and a cookie in an envelope beside my head...
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
