i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
I wish my grandma would stop using the phrase "he pulled out" when she's talking about her contractor quitting his job.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I feel like a combination of david goes to the dentist and drunkest guy ever goes for more beer
It snowed today. The whore-inducing weather is official over.
I just saw a guy getting escorted with handcuffs on, I'm too drunk to be at the airport right now.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
When his Irish accent comes out my uterus hums. Or some productive organ down there, I'm not sure of the logistics
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
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