My family just had an in depth argument about the meaning of chodes
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Condoms? Check. Glitter? Check. Fuck me pumps? Double check. Dignity? No where to be found. I'm about to homewreck the shit out of that dumb bitch.
I've been meaning to talk to you about your lack of self-respect these days and the toll it's taking on your vagina.
WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
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