I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I don't know the quality of the hand jobs you've received in the past but it CLEARLY was not one from me
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
You were outside the bathroom the gay guy was puking in, screaming "IT GETS BETTER!" over and over again. Good message, poor execution.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You'd think somebody who rolls blunts like jesus himself could roll a god damn burrito
If you do that, i will make all sorts of uncomfortable comments about my nipples being soft
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
also please imagine me hopping a fence at 3am using two chairs. It was a shit show. K's guy practically ripped her off the top of the fence bc she got semi stuck. It was like watching Disney on Bud Ice.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
If you buy me a steak I will make the extra effort to ride you. If not, I'm just gonna lay there.
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
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