Lesson 1: you can't keep macking on a girl if you get handcuffed
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Fine. Just this once and because its veterans day will I send you a picture of my tits. You're lucky I love this country.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
I don't care if there's a party or not. I just want to be half naked in a cape with a never-ending supply of alcohol within arm's length at all times. Make it happen.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
