Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
oh god the rape fog is back!
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
I just offered a homeless man a meal from McDonald's, and he replied "I don't eat McDonald's food". That is the epitome of "begger's can't be choosers."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
So you let the Viking explore your nether regions?
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
It's 5AM and I just stirred weed butter into ramen noodles. This is not where I expected to be at 30. ...But, hey, getting high off noodles.
You just can't go back to being friends with someone after you sucked their balls
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