to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
You're my spirit guide. This has to do with oatmeal cream pies.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Yeah even if I got stabbed it would be worth it
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
It's only 10am and I doubt my day could get much worse. During my 9am meeting I had to sit between my boss who I fucked for my promotion and the guy he walked in on me fucking on the copier
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
How did I get the fat lip, while puking I may or may not have sneezed... Wacking my face into the toilet bowl...
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
