I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
I'm going to email her once I get off the bathroom floor
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
she gave me a blowjob during our lunchbreak and expected me not to tell people
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
HOLY FUCK I JUST GOT WOKEN UP BY THUNDER!!!!!
I THINK I SHARTED
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
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