3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I swear to god if you settle for a trump supporting packers fan, I will not acknowledge your children. You're better than that.
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
Randomize
