How long do you think herpes can live on chapstick?
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
she acted like she'd never seen someone do speed off of a desk with a rolled up receipt. and she calls herself a grad student.
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Please save me from this creative non fiction class. I just wrote a paper about how I spend unhealthy amounts of time with my cat.
I spend unhealthy amounts of time watching RuPaul's Drag Race.
I referred to the cat as amicable.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My husband just came over to kiss me and said, "careful, I got a block of cream cheese in my pocket"
Randomize
