he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
we were pretty classy up until the second keg
dude, she was giving me a lapdance and her thong had a skid mark. no I did not hit it.
[insert really romantic bullshit about how much i love you and how beautiful you are so you will suck my dick tonight]
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
While you were hooking up with her I pulled you off to make sure you knew what you were doing.
You said you were "testing the product for Chris."
I'm a bad man.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
At least you got some excitement going on, you got weed and might die tonight, I'm just sitting here bored as fuck.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Randomize
