Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
it was really awkward. it took him like like 2 minutes to realize who he was jacking off to. he stopped mid-stroke. such a small small world
i told you not to try chat roulette
Did I show you my penis last night?
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
It's blow job season.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
I know more about this girls vagina than I know about her personality
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
So... I may have accidentally just sat on a strip of a home waxing kit.. naked... Assistance is definitely needed....
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
