Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
at 6am he came into my room and kicked me in the stomach. when i finally got up he was passed out in my hallway and the bathtub water was running
Also, drinking coors light. Fuck that. Fuck that in the fucking face.
I vaguely remember telling a bum she was worth more than this
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
You took off all your clothes to try on her fur coat and then punched me when I said you couldn't wear it to bed.
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
Randomize
