Valium party in the driveway. Attendance: 1. Don't make me do this alone.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
You stole a frozen pizza from the freezer, stuffed it in the back of your shirt then proceeded to leave the party.
All i know if I'm throwing uo into a bag with a smiley facE on it right now and this is not a smileuy face time right nowe
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
It's only 9 and these two girls are already walking around Walmart barefoot and holding their heels. WE NEED TO STEP IT UP.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
He is married, and has a regrettably large penis. I need to find another one right away to get myself out of this mess.
How big does a penis have to be before it becomes regrettably so?
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
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