So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
But college guys get to crossfade so there's that
No idea what that is
Like getting bent? When you drink and smoke together...
I'm 30 stop using your cool kids words
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Idk you're asking me for advice on dating bro, after I told you I got a convicts number today.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
She's still mad at me for saying she looked pregnant and not getting her chicken nuggets.
If by fun you mean, did I meet her cousin for the.first time and bang him, then yes it was a productive evening.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
