Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
she would be the type to have more hair on her twat than on her head
she has to be all "alternative"
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
She gave me a blow job and her mom gave me blueberry muffin afterwards. I love them.
There are work activities and non work activities and dunking my head in a bucket of ice water pulling it out and shotguning a beer is certainly not a work activity
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I snorted xanax while wearing reindeer antlers. Prancer gone wild. Have a merry Christmas.
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
Can't talk, ducks in the car
Bring vodka when you get back from court.
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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