the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
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No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
It's situations like these that make me climb out of windows
i guess she just walked over ass naked and peed on his laptop. gonna call an over price on that drunk sex.
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I kept my extra Molly pill in my wallet in the change part, that's also where I keep my body jewelry while I'm working. The nose ring punctured the pill essentially coating itself in MDMA. My nose ring is back in my nose. This could be entertaining
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
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