i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
after last nights cooking expirments i have lost all faith in the fire alarm battery
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I overcharge people for their weed so you can have yours for free, because I care
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I WOULD NEVER LIE ABOUT SOMETHING AS SERIOUS AS SABADO GIGANTE BEING CANCELED
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
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