Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She refused to give me a hand job while we were watching a war movie saying she didn't wanna disrespect the soldiers
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
A young (I'm going to guess late middle school age) kid shouted at me from the crosswalk GAS PUMP OF SHAME! I have peaked in life.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
His relationship is over as soon as he sees my boobs. I’m going to titty fuck my way into his heart
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