Midget sex pt 2 tonight
My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
i dont care that its taken 20 hrs to pee without hurting, BEST HATE SEX EVER.
I woke up in her bed, she woke up in mine. Apparently there was a miscommunication after the 8th jager bomb.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
How drunk is "too drunk" for candlelight service?
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
Two chicks walked outta his room and all he did was beat his chest like LeBron and yell, "And 1!"
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
Randomize
