I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
they just dont make restraining orders like they used to.
do herpes really smell.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I went out as a member of the house of Gryfindor and came home as Snooki
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
There is a chick wearing some guy's shirt wrapped around her waist as a skirt... She's flashing her panties to everyone as she sings karaoke. You need to get here.
I'm trying to be all porn star and he's making it all The Notebook
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Will you still call me Bond when I'm sober?
Randomize
