I cant find my shoes, my wallet, or my keys, but i know where your sister is.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
so the time management class we had to take for work seems to be working. I just beat off instead of waiting for gf to get home bc it fit my schedule better.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Hah, I lost the lenses in my glasses, didn't event notice til this morning... How was the meeting?
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
If we're single and alone together, the fuck angels shall sing upon our nude bodies.
I had to hose off vomit off my driveway at 9 am.....so hot
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
Why r u in my phone under "the last survivor"?
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
