Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We could make it a date. Dinner and a show. The show being my nipples getting pierced.
Chasing tequila with honey. Ill let you know how it turns out.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
My hair is short now so it will be easier to give you alot more blow jobs
I'm going to take this text and frame it on my mantle
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
My concierge just asked me to his place for dinner while I was signing for a delivery. The delivery was a box of vibrators. Let's discuss.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
When you trip so hard that you can see your friends thoughts through their pupils.
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Randomize
