god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
we were exchanging secrets last night... she told me about how she put markers in her vaj in middle school. found a keeper.
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
I just got sparklers from my secret santa. Drunken sledding just got to a whole new level of dangerous
hes like the used car salesman of hook ups and closed the deal w my taking him home with me,as is,today
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
hahaha lucky. I'm fishing with some dude I just met when I woke up next to the mohawk river
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
He's writing a strongly worded email to Trojan right now
I TOLD YOU THE BARESKIN CONDOMS WEREN'T AS RELIABLE.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
We inadvertently arrived at the strip club on Bear Night. The dancers all look like young Santa Claus and there's a buffet....
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
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