I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
the condom is still stuck, that's what I get for being responsible
I JUST MADE OUT WITH A BRITISH SOCCER PLAYER. LONG LIVE THE QUEEN. GOD BLESS THAT COUNTRY.
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I walked in..crop dusted the whole place then asked her if she wanted to go to a place that smells better.
You were always a thinker
Please wake up and help me figure out how I woke up on the floor with my head under the couch
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
