Dude, don't freak out but the girl who stuck the hair brush in her ass is here. I can't look her in the eye!!
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
she let a homeless guy feel her up so she could go for a ride in his shopping cart
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Celebrating landing my dream job by watching zombie movies and drinking free booze in the bath. I'm like 90% sure I just won life.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Totally on the hot mess express last night. Mom said I was passed out on her kitchen floor. Told her I was drinking genuine tea.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
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