I just watched a guy get turned down by a prostitute
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
You fell asleep leaning on my shoulder at the bar
The ultimate Father's Day bonding experience: Both getting bailed out of jail by mom for mooning some shithead cop.
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
Those tiny little fruit fly looking mofos. They fly past the phone and I grabbed them like Daniel-San
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
IF I CANT STRIP TO SANTA BABY THEN WHY EVEN HAVE CHRISTMAS.
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
What's the weirdest place you've ever had sex?
I don't think you're psychologically prepared for this conversation.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
