I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I got a lot accomplished today, and the day is still young! I built a fort, hot boxed a fort, had a tea party in a fort, and now realizing how high I am.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Her facebook status is 'PERCS ON DECKKK~' which is probably why she still lives with her parents.
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I feel like a monkey keeps fucking me in the ear with a trombone as a dick.
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
Just sold our expired ticket for a free night of bowling to a drunk guy downtown for 50 bucks. Ill buy beer on my way home
Randomize
