He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
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We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
Felt like shit, jerked off, felt ten times better. Being a guy rules. It's like I got all the demons out in 5 minutes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
Me and my girlfriend were watching porn together..... it got awkward cause I kept getting notifications from my family on Facebook
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
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