You're a womanizer and a bitch.
Laying in bed naked with the guy I just fucked, talking to his WIFE who's sitting across from us like we're having a fucking tea party. This is interesting.
we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
i just remember doing it on a pile of clothes while i heard the muffled sound of his friend laughing. then i realized we were in a closet.
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
I have come to the conclusion that my perfect boyfriend is a cardboard cutout of Link with a dildo attatched. Also, Merry Christmas.
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
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