If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
you know that saying beer then liquer makes you sicker, it should be beer then pickles makes you throw up alot, everywhere.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
At what point would you like us to save you from yourself?
We're like Siamese twins, but joined at the genitals.
It's time for everyone's favorite Wednesday night game... WHEEL OF. VODKA!!!!!
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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