Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
i've met an abundance of virgins and guys who where flip flops, i thinks there's a correlation
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
Wierdest expirience of my life this girl literally just knocked on my door at 140am to blow me in the shower. Idk what im doing but im doing it right
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
Boobs speak an international language.
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
A guy with a mustache poured a beer down your throat while you had a crippled boy named Sunshine riding your back
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
