Ambien. No doubt about it.
My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
Few clarical questions about last night: 1. How did we get home? 2. Am I wearing your underwear? 3. Where is Andrea? 4. Guy with nose ring last night hot?
1. You tried hitch hiking "like a pro" and flashed cars while sticking out your thumb until I called Michael. 2. I don't know but probably. 3. Who is Andrea? 4. Hot.
A condom was pulled out of your vagina by a doctor today I do not think you can pull off "closet" hoe anymore
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
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