Sorry I thought I was a lizard earlier.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
Half my face is frozen, my vagina is broken, I'm wearing only gym shorts eating a plate of mashed potatoes, avatar is on my tv. There's a naked guy on my couch whose name idk. I needa talk to you asap
You passed out while holding my hair during a blow job.. i think your gona have to earn back blow jobs
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
