I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Tuesday night just isn't my ideal coke binge night.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Jesus horatio Christ I forgot my mittens and am considering shoving my hands down the pants of the first semi attractive man I see
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
he went down on me while I ate Oreos. I don't know what caused the orgasm.
She's gonna be mad if she finds out you put weed in her house warming cookies
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
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