I think the phrase "bag of smashed assholes" describes it best
i watch way too much csi for them to even pretend to be my friend.
TRUE LIFE: my roommate is growing a bush.
better yet, TRUE LIFE: my roommates boyfriend begged her to grow a bush.
This got awkward about two "Oh yeah"s ago.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
Is it a step in the wrong direction to ask my parents for a kegerator for graduation?
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
I think you should do the fixer upper relationship. Like lawyers do pro bono work with underserved populations, you can do pro bono relationship work.
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You kept licking me last night.... and said I tasted like jello. Next time, lay off the jello shots, okay?
Randomize
