I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
throwing condoms aimed at his crotch probably isn't the politest way to ask for sex
is election day enough of a holiday to justify getting fucked up on a tuesday?
Every concussion has its silver lining
The fact that I'm going to be living with you is starting to make me worry about my heatlh.
Ya that ship has sailed dude
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
That married penis I’ve been riding offered to pay off my student loans. I was going to break it off because he has lousy stamina. Is being debt free worth putting up with mediocre sex?
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