Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
Sometimes I wish I could peel his face off and use it to take all the money out of his account.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
he just left the suite without pants on wrapped in Christmas lights
Randomize
