she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
I would rather get explosive diarrhea at the aquarium than go home alone tonight
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Apparently I send drunk snapchats a lot and they always have random dudes in them. Like one night it was just me and some guy I don't know sitting on my couch.
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
just had to get on my knees to snort an addy off the little sink at the daycare. teacher of the year!
learned the hard way that breakfast jack daniels is a lot stronger than lunch or dinner jack daniels.
My mom added me on Snapchat which means I am officially done with Snapchat.
Randomize
