You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
They're frat boys at heart and have sickly, dusty, rotting souls.
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
Fuck you and your widespread penis snapchat
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
