and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
would you consider him our boss?
technically yes
then technically i slept with our boss
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
Good. Go forth, young stallion. Destroy the vaginal region with your tidy crotch.
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
